Relationships grow, change, teach

I've referred to this change earlier, I think, but the impact of this move - having my mother move near me and my being a nearby caregiver - is more than I'd imagined.

(Let me pause for a moment and acknowledge that when I say "caregiver", I recognize that with my mother in an assisted living facility, the involvement is greatly minimized when compared to those who care for elderly parents in their own home. I can't even imagine that. However, in this context, I'm referring to the care that I'm giving as a nearby family member who plays an active role in her care. So, with that nod to any who do way more than I do, I will continue...)

I've grown even more connected to my sister. I treasure her support. We talk about the past, the feelings of growing up in that often-difficult household. We talk of the present - our own families, kids (joys and trials), and the present circumstances of our mother. And we talk about the future.

We laugh about my own OCD about this. OK, not OCD, but "O". I'm not even willing to admit it's "OD" because my "O" (obsession) serves me quite well, thank you very much! My sister has a friend who is a therapist, who pointed out that the upside of being obsessive is accomplishing a lot! And I do find my brain won't turn off, for now anyway, in thinking about what needs to be done for Mom. Doctor's appointments, bedspread, where are the purses, appt with attorney, lab appointments, make sure she checks her blood sugars in the afternoon. And on and on.

Anyway, it's been interesting to me that my sometimes-obsessive mind is now more fully exposed to my sister, and her observations give me insight. And laughter.

On the other hand, my brother has been virtually silent. After I write both of them (sister, brother) a lengthy newsy email about the boxes, moving in, unpacking, etc, I got one two-line email from him. It read, "Lots of boxes, lots of work you-all have done. Thanks so much for that." That was it. It's been really surprising - especially in view of his many religious activities. You'd think he'd 'get' the whole bit about honoring your parents and carrying your own load. Great source of frustration and annoyance.

So, learning about myself. Changing relationships with siblings and with my mother. learning about myself and others.