Changing relationships... Part Two

Eeks - I blew it.

For years, my sister has been extremely EXTREMELY loyal and regular at having a daily email exchange with Mom. And Mom has written back each day. They both look forward to it - it's a way of connecting them. Something personal, intimate (I realize now). And, with my taking on this new role, it is perhaps even more important for my sister to have this special way to continue to have her own relationship. In fact, for years my sister's support and relationship with our mother was much stronger than mine (or our brother's) , to a large extent tied to these daily emails.

While I was at my mother's today, I tried to set up her computer to do emails more easily. (When she moved here, we signed her up for an email program that has a really confusing interface; I'm trying to simplify it). I noticed that she had started an email but got distracted; I offered to have her dictate it to me to get it sent. Then when I did that, I noticed another one that she'd started and not sent, so I sent it too.

I mentioned that to my sister this afternoon. She was frustrated (is that the word? hurt? annoyed?). Those emails were the direct connection with Mom, the only connection that (as of last week) doesn't have me in the middle. They are special, a gift. And when I type for Mom, I get in the middle. She said that if Mom can't type it, then she should call.

I get it. I'm sad/hurt that I screwed it up for her. She recognized that it was with good intentions. And I won't do that again. I just wouldn't hurt her for the world.

It scares me that somehow my relationship with her may get 'broken' somehow. We talked about this before the big move. She needed to be honest about some of her feelings; I did too. We needed to be sure we didn't step on each other's toes. And she totally assured me that our relationship won't 'break'.

Still, I get afraid. Sad.