My brother, the golden boy

So, my brother, when invited to help, says how 'lucky' my sister and I are to live close. I am just a few minutes a way, and my sister is a 3.5 hour drive. Yep, lucky. He lives farther (a 14-hour drive, he says; actually a bit over 12). Or, there are planes (a flight starts at a mere $198).

But ...

There is no wisp of an offer to help. Not even an inquiry as to how the work is going. No recognition that he is one-third of this woman's family. He just says we're 'lucky' and sees himself as off the hook, any hook.

He is in complete receive-mode. "Feed me". I have sent him (and my sister) numerous email to let them know what's happening here. Silence. Sent an aerial photo of the home; he wrote (a very rare email) and said thanks, that it helps him visualize it. It's all about him.

He did just write that he will be in town on a business trip. He will try to make it to dinner and maybe some time the next day before flying out. Nothing about staying any extra time, even a vacation day, to spend some time with her or (gasp) do some work. And, costs him nothing. As long as it all fits conveniently into his schedule of priorities (work, church, his own family), as long as his mother can accommodate his own self-important world, he will spend a bit of time with her. As long as someone else pays - his work pays for the flight, his sisters pay with their sweat and a great, great deal of time.

And the really really REALLY irksome thing is that he will now feel like he's participated, and Mom will rave about seeing her wonderful son. Grrrrrr.

A month ago, I was in the midst of all the effort to move her here, taking my vacation days to sort through her stuff, to pack boxes, to move furniture, etc. She made a snipey comment about how my emails to her were short, as were my brother's. I got right in her face and calmly but very directly reminded her that I called her almost daily, and that I have taken my personal time and expenses to come see her and do all this work for her, and that I had committed to support her for the rest of her years. WHERE IS HE? Oh, yeah, hmm, not here. Nowhere. She apologized, but when does the glow of firstborn golden boy grow a bit dim with lack of any real contribution?

Grr.