Negatives and positives ... both are so very real...

I'm having quite an internal reaction to my last post (where I describe why caring for aging parents can be so fraught with negative emotions, and why it's not really comparable to caring for children).

My reaction is partly embarrassment at having said it so directly.  But, I am also reacting because it doesn't tell the whole story.  I need to shine a light against that darkness.

I'm sure there are many whose distaste for their imperfect elders makes them do the minimum possible to help their parents, or to support them with thinly veiled resentment, or who abandon them altogether.  We even read of elder abuse, those who have victimized their parents physically.  Horrible.  Horrible.

On the other extreme, there are those who have a wonderful tender relationship with their parents, and who treasure every moment even if it is cleaning up a messy bathroom. I congratulate these blessed folks.

But where there is some degree of difficulty or even distaste for caring for elderly parents, is that the only thing that we see? That I see?

I started this journey without knowing.  Without knowing that there are such nice things I get out of it, like learning how to sit quietly. How to be OK with not having anything interesting to say. Finding out that there ARE little moments of laughter and silliness.  My mother has more of a wit than many of her contemporaries and it's fun to see aides or others enjoying her humor (usually, unless the barbs are too sharp).

This time has also allowed me to have a loving relationship with my mother, against whom I have held considerable anger (not unfairly) for many years.  We got to refresh, to reboot, even to restart.  And I'm so glad and grateful to have had this time.

I have been able to glimpse into Elder-World, and make decisions about how I want my old age to be.  I am determined to retain rich friendships and stay intellectually active.  I want to be fully alive and contribute to others until my dying day.

I think other posts have talked about other positives.  I just wanted to put that other darker post behind me.  Shudder.  That wasn't all there is, and I needed to say it.  There is also laughter, joy, purpose and even fun.  I'm grateful for this time, even with its difficulties.  I'm grateful.
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