What song would you sing about your mother?

I went over to a friend's house, a Guatemalan family, where we did karaoke along with other guests from Mexico (I speak Spanish fluently). The hosts didn't have any 'American' songs, so we just enjoyed a fun evening of robust singing of very sentimental and classic Spanish songs by the likes of the famous Latino idol Pedro Infante. These songs were as well known to the other guests as would be, for me, "Blowin' in the Wind", or "Big Girls Don't Cry" or "Somewhere Over The Rainbow". So we listened and joined in to the extent possible, and had loads of fun.

One song came along tenderly addressing the singer's mother, talking about how sweet and gentle and loving she is, how tender and giving she was. The singer adored his mother, missed her terribly. My misty-eyed Guatemalan friend spoke tenderly about her beloved mother, and showed me a picture on the wall of a warmly smiling and round mamacita.

And I felt so alone.

I really tried to imagine how that felt, to have such a tie, such a fondness. To be able to feel so warm and filled with rich and loving memories, to have felt so secure and nurtured. To miss one's mother so terribly. I felt like I was trying to imagine some foreign culture, some alien life. It's like there is an empty space in that part of my heart, a space that never got filled.  I grieve that loss.

My father died in 1993.  I have never missed him. I have never cried at the loss, and feel utterly no need to do so. I have never wondered, "What would he say about this or that?" Not once. It makes me sad to admit that... a loss for him, a loss for me. But, that is another subject.

Make no mistake ... I continue very engaged in her care. I tell her I love her, and I do. She has suffered some possible cardiac problems over the last few days, and I'm very worried and am talking to staff to ensure the best care, and I am going to see her to hold her hand. This post may sound cold, and that's not the whole truth of the matter. I feel tenderness toward her, and she expresses her gratitude and her desperate need for me. We laugh together and spend time together. We have a glass of wine and dinner each Tuesday. I pick up her room, and bring her treats.

If I were to compose a song about my mother, I could honestly say she had a sense of humor, she was intelligent, she was articulate, sharp and observant. An excellent speller and perfect grammar. I could write a verse about how she gave all she could, based on her own coolish upbringing. But I'm utterly unable to wax poetic about her sweet warmth or rich love or tenderness. It feels weird ... and very alone.